Last night, I had like the most amazing and fucked up dream ever.
And since, the "music" that was ringing thoughout it just won't get out of my head.
Ever had a "full color video clip" kind of dream?
The kind you would totally want to see as an anime or an MMD PV.
Well I dream in MMD Style. In APHetalia MMD PVs lately tobe more precise.
Often there's one song playing in my dream, and following the music, a full story unfolds and can be replayed or reversed as I wish. I often want to adapt those dreams I have in real MMD PVs, but I'm FAR from having all the required skills.
Well this night, my song "of choice" was the amazing CARNIVAL by otetsu feat GUMI: www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjNRfM…
(look up the english lyrics, you'll see, they're freaky cool).
And as you might have guessed, my dream was about Hetalia.
Note: there IS actually an "official" APH MMD Carnival video, who won a placein the latest japanese MMD CUP. But this dream I had, though it featured the same main chara, was nothing like it.
Second note: this dream WAS really disturbing, because it shows things that are good neither for your health or your mental safety, nor legally authorized. Don't, ever, try the things I dreamed about in real life.
So, as the "first scene" started in the beginning of the song, there was a bathroom in a small kinda gloomy apartment.
And England was in that bathroom (he was dressed quite casually, a bit of a funky british fashion style), staring at the mirror, with one of his sleeves lifted and some kind of rope tied around his arm. I didn't realize at the beginning of it WHY his sleeve was lifted or the WHY the rope was around his arm but when I realized later, I freaked out.
It looked quite eerie from the start, because when England touched the mirror and the music suddenly roared, a gloved white hand pulled him inside of it and it suddenly felt like "Alice in Wonderland" when she falls through the hole, you know, there are a lot of random colourful things flying around you and he was falling, falling through that mess laughing out loud.
He landed in some kind of huge mess of black strings that swirled around him like a puppet, but he broke them easily with a grin.
The scene suddenly changed to a really sadder one when the first verse started singing, we were "back in reality" (note that I wasn't physically present or active in this dream, I only witnessed all of it happening without doing anything), and it was the Gakuen Hetalia Academy.
England (dressed in school style here) was sitting against the window in an empty, clunching his head between his palms and rocking back and forth as if he had a violent headache, and he looked outside the window painfully, there was this erratic noise in his head apparently.
France came in and asked him something, but England didn't seem to hear him or at least reacted quite violently, because he punched him and left the class running, passing through a glass window to escape by the backyard.
There were then flashes of different "real life" scenes during the pre-chorus part of the song, where you could see England at his desk (still at school) staring at photos he made with his friends (a lot of Hetalia characters such as America, Japan, China, and the rest of them...), then he threw them back in his bag, went to the bathroom and locked the door, then paced here and there in front of the mirrors eating his nails, before looking through the window with some kind of disgusted look.
Then one were he was writing on a chalkboard during the class, the song lyrics saying "I play alone, I like being alone" then doing homework and housework "I'm fine being alone", then curling up in a corner like sulking "I don't want to be alone".
Then it was suddenly back at the chalkboard scene, where England suddenly realized that he had written "ALONE ALONE ALONE" and "SOMEONE SOMEONE SOMEONE" all over the chalkboard wihtout noticing. He freaked out a bit, turned back to face his classmates, but there was no one and he suddenly smiled. The shape of an object flashed in sight, but I didn't recognize it first.
The chorus started and the scene changed. You could see England walking inside of a fantastic carnival/amusement park scenery, one like in a dream, looking at a giant Ferris wheel rotating, ballons flying away, then he ran and got on a merry go round. All the people around him, the children, the laughs etc... were both extremely clear and very blurry.
As he was on the merry go round, he noticed a parade and circus-like artists passing nearby , and he frowned, biting on his thumb again. But then he followed a crowd of children going to the circus without a regret, cheering happily.
The scene changed again when the second verse started, we were back at the Gakuen school.
France was there again, talking to England, but he was wearing a ringmaster-like outfit made of purple and white silk with a tophat. He seemed to get angry, then snapped his fingers in front of England who suddenly realized he must have had been deaming, because France was clothed normally, not like in a circus, and was apparently lecturing him about something. He brushed him off with a sarcastic look, went into the bathroom again like he was in a hurry, and took a bottle of pills out of his pocket. But when he opened it and wanted to gulp down a mouthful of pills, the bottle was empty. England freaked out, pressing his hands against his forehead, threw the bottle away, as if he was losing sanity, then took something else out of his jacket, the same object I couldn't recognize before (and I still didn't at that time) and grinned, eyes swirling like crazy.
The second chorus started and this time, it was the reality around England that was changing into a Carnival/amusement park. The Gakuen tower became a crimson and purple merry-go-round, the people around changed into clowns and merry children, the teacher into an icecream sellsman, the whole reality mixed up with that "carnival" and England was walking and dancing amongst them all, guided by the allies and Axis dressed in "carnival style", except there was TWO France: one was wearing a white tuxedo with a red cape and colourful accessories such as a mask, a hotp hat etc, and the other one had only half a mask, was wearing a funeral tuxedo with a dark purple cape and silver accessoiries.
On the bridge of the song, you could see England doing all kind of things in that mixed up reality, like eating a cupcake, walking around, dancing with a clown etc, but there were transparent objects that were blurry before and that appeared, top-layering the scenes, they were also "eaten" piece after piece, I saw scones, then a bottle (of what? i dunno), then pills, more pills, the image stopped on a syringe, then went on with an ice cream and colourful sweets, then as the bridge roared again "CARNIVAL, CARNIVAL, but I won't dance" England was standing suddenly on the top of this fantasy,suddenly freaking out because everything was deforming around, the happy faces turning into hideous masks, the ferris wheel rotating in reverse. England seemed to fight a bit against himself, but then he grinned, and a hand extended to him (Ringmaster!Black!France's hand) and he caught it, being dragged again and surrounded by the dancers. While he was watching all of this, he suddenly frowned and bit his finger again, throwing an empty bottle of pills away.
The scene switched brutally to the "reality", England was pacing back and forth in a corridor, alone, and at each passage, a word was forming on the wall behind, until you could read "ALONE. SOMEONE. NO ONE." England stopped and sat curling up back against that wall, head between his palms, and the scene faded to a bathroom again. He was holding what seemed like a syringe, but when he looked at himself in the mirror, he was indeed holding a cutter, and when he looked at his arm... well, he'd cut it open really badly, cuts fucking all along his arm and ripping blood. The scene flashed to dark place. England was standing on the edge of something, maybe a barrier or a roof, and looking down, hesitating, but then his eyes swirled, arms extended towards him and he dived into a red light.
The final chorus started with England "falling" again like in the beginning through a Wonderland-like mess of objects and effects, only he was now dressed the same way as France was before, eyes swirling with colours, green tuxedo, blue cape, tophat, monocle, string of feathers falling from his shoulders, white gloves, cards flying around with toys and sweets and music notes and piano keys and... and all kind of stuff. Wonderland I tell you.
England was first slightly frowning, like surprised, but then he grinned wide and started laughing out loud, louder and louder, till he extended like an angel dive (very dramatic XD) and fell into the same mess of black thin ropes that tied him like a puppet, only all he could see was the carnival brightful around him and while the ropes almost engulfed him, he closed his eyes with a laugh.
Then in the very last notes of the song, the scene came back to the bathroom in the very beginning. The "camera" went over the mirror and sink, and England indeed was here again.
Only he had collapsed against the wall with his eyes dull and hollow. His sleeve was lifter again and that is when I understood. The arm was tied up with a rope again, covered in cut marks and needle points and he had an empty syringe in his right hand.
Obviously, he had just died from overdose.
That's when I understood I'd been witnessing his losing of sanity to drugs and addiction. To sum it up, I watched England do drugs, harm himself and lose sanity till the point of dying.
The "camera" only made a quick passage on hisbody, then poof, black.
I woke up afterwards being all "man, that was the most awesome, eerie, disturbing dream I've ever had".
But yeah, I dreamt of a sanity-low song, people doing drugs, harming selves and dying. What the flying hell is wrong with me?
Not that I didn't enjoy it though, I always enjoy even my darkest dreams. But once you awake you realize how mentally ill you are.
*goes back to listen to Carnival*